


A Living Hell

by Chervee



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Characterized Reader, Depression, Gen, Nonbinary Character, Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Self-Harm, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Slow Burn, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, nonbinary reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24458065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chervee/pseuds/Chervee
Summary: It's not normal to wake up only to find yourself in a cave filled with characters from one of your favorite videogame. But that's what happened to me.Using my knowledge, I plan on freeing all the monsters, hopefully befriending them along the way. Who cares if I can't save or reset?Oh, well, I guess I care. How can someone like me possibly pull this off?(This self-indulgent fic is something for me to help vent out my feelings and wishes. The character is heavily based off of me, a non-binary white person. I'll keep the character vague and the appearance a mystery. There's also no name- feel free to insert whatever original character you want.)
Relationships: Sans (Undertale)/Reader, Sans/Original Undertale Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, y'all. Welcome to my little passion project!
> 
> First thing you need to know: This fic is gonna be stressful. It deals with mental issues I experience and I'm basically making this the place I vent it out in. There's gonna be suicide mentions, self harm, and probably other triggering stuff. I'll warn you guys before posting it, of course, and I'll do mt best to make it skippable.
> 
> The secind thing you need to know, if that this is a self indulgent piece of emotional crap. The main character is based off of me. And I'll try to keep their appearance vague. They have no name and are non-binary to help with that!
> 
> However, some things may not make much sense when I describe things. I'm a lanky, skinny, tall person. So I might describe them to match that kind of description, but I'll try my best to stay ambiguous.
> 
> I'm writing this for me. I'm gonna make it as easy as possible to read, but this is definitely for me. So It's not gonna be perfect, and it'll probably be bad or sad or vent-y and it'll be a wild ride. I hope you enjoy none-the-less!
> 
> Without further ado.. Welcome to "A Living Hell"!

I groaned from where I landed- sore and aching. My eyes were crusty and moist, sealed shut by my tears. I sat up, whimpering at the crack of my bones. They were sore, but nothing seemed broken, luckily. I sighed at the pounding migrainethat was starting up, hoping it wouldn't be a bad one this time.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to wipe away the crust that had my eyes glued shut. Eventually, I was able to open my eyes without much trouble. It took a minute to adjust to the light without aggrivating my migraine, but when I was finally able to squint my eyes open enough to see, I saw the spongy softness I had landed on was a bed of flowers.

I pet the yellow flowers before examining my surroundings. I was definitely underground- and, looking upwards, I was deep down, probably stuck. The fact I'm alive and without any snapped bones.. Is a miracle. I was sitting in a large room, with high ceilings. There was a crevice wide enough to walk through in front of me, and I decided I'd explore that way when I was ready.

When I looked to the side, I found my beanie. I wore that thing every day, because it was my favorite. It's a black hat with cat ears and a silver nose with whiskers on the overturned lip, and it laid not far from where my head was just laying. My glasses were placed on top of it, folded neatly, as if someone put them there.

I took them, albeit slowly due to suspicion... Or maybe pain. I can't really move much when my muscles have been banged up so bad. I wiped my glasses on the fabric of my undershirt, which was clean thanks to the coverage of my hoodie- which took the brunt of the dirt smudges and flower stains. I sighed, upset that my favorite sweatshirt was beat up. A red-white-and blue hoodie with "CANADA" spelled out in letterman material. Its a souvenir from the Niagara Falls trip I took with my family last year.

I smile at the memory, tearing up. I guess family vacations were over and done with, unless I got out, which seemed unlikely. After putting on my hat and glasses, I stretched my legs, kicking a bit to make sure they were prepared to take my weight.

I stood up, slowly and cautiously once I had exercised my legs. My migraine throbbed angrily, punishing me for my now vertical position. I whimpered from the rush of pain behind my eyes. My legs seemed to be okay, though, hurting less then my arms and torso.. And my head. That didn't stop me from taking the large stick from the edge of the cave, using it as a cane of sorts while walking.

I went deeper into the cave, taking a left to enter another room- large compared to the narrow hallways I just came through. In the middle was another of those flowers, although it was all on it's own in the patch of sun it rested in. I wasn't too happy about the light, but I didn't want to hang out in the cramped pathway between the two rooms. A little sun was okay, anyways..

I approached the flower slowly, before kneeling down next to it. I needed a break- My body and my head was screaming at me to rest. I decided to make some small talk. "Hey, little guy." I murmured- "Come here often?"

I chuckled at my small joke. "Yeah, me neither." I continued. "This is actually my first time visiting, can't you believe it?"

I would question my sanity, but honestly, this is normal for me. Talking to inanimate or nonsentient objects and animals. It was a good way to entertain myself and pass the time. And who knows how much time I have stuck down here..

"Mm. I.. Fell down here, I guess. Surprised I'm not dead. There was a very conveniently placed patch of flowers, and they seemed to have cushioned my fall." I told the flower. "They look a lot like you. They aren't leaving you out, are they? Cuz in that case, I'll have to go and scold em'... Or maybe you didn't want to be there." I mused. "After all. I guess its not pleasant for someone to fall on you from.. Maybe five hundred feet up. Maybe even a thousand."

I laid down, on my back, using my hood and my hat as a weird pillow. "God.. I hurt so much.. Maybe I should just sleep." I murmured to myself, my voice coming out soft and sad and.. Well, in pain. "My head is _killing_ me."

I sighed after a moment, suddenly feeling.. Alone. How much time before I perish? How long will I be down here, starving to death? Or maybe I hurt much more then I thought when I fell, and I'm bleeding internally? My eyes watered. I didn't want my death to be so slow and painful. _God.._

"I want my mom.." I whimpered before curling up. But I threw all of that away, and now I'm all alone in a cave, with possibly no way out. I started crying again- Why did this happen to me? Why did I have to survive that fall, only to possibly suffer and starve? Was this some sort of punishment..?

I thought of my mother, and about how scared she must be. Wondering where I am, wondering if I'm just lost or gone forever.. I fell asleep after wallowing in pity for myself.

I only dreamt of falling.

* * *

Sans was by himself at the door today. Practicing his knock knock jokes was always fun, but it was always more fun with the old lady there. She was probably the best friend he'd ever had- even through all the resets, he always enjoyed his conversations with her. They were always different. New.

Of course he knew by now that the voice was really the queen- or, well, ex-queen. She didn't do much ruling anymore. She just guarded the Ruins and looked out for humans. He still remembered the day she asked him to watch over them- it was long ago, before the resets, but he remembered his promise.

He just hoped he'd be able to keep it this time. And somewhere, deep in his being, he hoped he wouldn't have to break it ever again. He hated those timelines.

"knock knock." he rapped on the door in time with his words, "who's there?" he responded to himself in higher pitch, pretending to be the lady. "bones."

His grin grew as he said, "bones who?" in the same artificial pitch. "it's me, no bones about it." he giggled out his punch line. It wasn't even that funny, but he had played that joke on Papyrus that morning, and remembering his reaction was almost as funny as seeing the real thing. Sans only just stopped hearing ringing that came from the scream that ensued.

_"SANS!!!!"_

Sans ended his little round of chuckling after five whole minutes. That look on Paps's face...! It was just too much.

Sans knocked again. "knock knock. who's there? boo. boo who?" He grinned, despite having told this jokes hundreds of times. "n'aw, didn't mean to make you cry." he let out a considerably small chuckle. That one was a classic, but even he overused it sometimes. It was always fun to tell napstablook in passing, though. The ghost liked that joke.

"knock knock." he started again after thinking of a good joke. "who's there?" he answered in a different voice, since Toriel wouldn't like this one so much. "asgore. asgore who?" he looked back at the door he was leaning against as if he was talking to someone. In a way, he kind of was. "asgore answer, just open the door."

That was a new one. He laughed at that one for a long time.

Sans sighed after his laughing fit. "human seems to be takin' awhile." he muttered to himself as he started shuffling back to his station. "wonder why?"

* * *

When I woke up, I groaned. "Five more minutes, mom..." I mumbled, but the voice that answered wasn't my mom. "Wake up! It's been hours!"

I jerked awake, sitting up and immediately remembering my predicament. I looked down at the voice- The flower?

My eyes widened as I saw him. "Oh my god.." I muttered. There was a flower with a face on it. And it was annoyed and cranky.

"Uhm. Hi?" I squeaked after a moment of silence. The flower sighed and pasted a tired smile on its face. "You're new around here, aren't'cha?"

He didn't sound like how I'd expect him to. His voice was.. Child-like, but not annoying. In fact, he sounded more tired then.. Whatever I was expecting. I nodded blankly in wonder.

"Well, My name's Flowey. Flowey the Flower." He introduced himself, bowing formally- or well, as best he could since he was just a flower. Somehow, it worked.

My jaw dropped. Flowey the flower, huh? Why the hell was a character from one of my favorite games here? What exactly happened to me?

I tried to collect myself as thoughts ran through my head.

"Since you're new, you're lucky I'm here to show you the ropes!" He smiled fakely. Oh boy. Think later, act now! 

"Hey, Uh. You happen to know the way out of here?" I asked, my smile nervous. Just because Flowey was.. Considerably less maniacle sounding then I would have assumed, doesn't mean I didn't disregard what I knew.. Maybe this was different, though?

His fake smile widened. "Of course! I'll show you in a minute. I have other stuff to say right now."

I gulped as my surroundings turned dark and he turned white. I couldn't see anything besides him- it was weird to experience the suddenly monochromatic Flowey. He looked so real, even now. I marvelled at the combat system- and then at the little heart that floated in front of me, too. It was all so real.

"Hey! Are you even listening?" Flowey whined, snapping me out of it. "Huh?" I started, betraying myself. "Oh! Uh, sorry. This is my Soul, huh?" I guessed based off of what I know about Flowey.

I tried to touch it, but instead my soul moved instead of my hand. Well that was weird- it was like my body stopped existing and all I saw was.. Me, in my purest form. "Whatever. Just.. Here, collect the friendliness pellets."

The white ovals appeared, and I gulped. "Wait, what?" I could feel myself sweating, somewhere. Still not sure where my body is.

They were coming faster then I expected,

but I dodged them. I guess all that dodgeball in middle school did me _some_ good.

"Uh.. I think you missed." Flowey chuckled, his smile a little sour. I chose not to respond. I knew what would happen if I dodged again- at least, I think I knew. But I wasn't sure if anyone would be here to save me either, so I took my chances and dodged the next round as well. It was weird to see(hear?) him literally change the words that came out of his mouth, after he said them. I dodged again.

"You.. You know what's going on here, don't you?" Flowey chuckled darkly. "You just want to see me suffer!" he hissed. "n-no! That's not it at all-" I gasped, but it was too late. He had me surrounded by bullets, in a circle. Oh god..

"In this world it's kill or be killed." He snarled out the iconic lines and afterwards I tuned him out in favor of my racing thoughts, only to cry out in pain as he started to hit my soul.

I could see my HP go down, and it scared me- the closer it got to zero, the more scared I was. I didn't want to die like this. This _hurt._

At one HP, Flowey was blown away with a ball of fire. I almost laughed in relief as my HP went back up. So, Toriel was here to save me..!

"What a wretched creature, torturing a poor innocent youth." she huffed out, and I swear I could hear the comforting music that was Toriel's theme. It played loud in my head, like some sort of synesthesia. "Oh my god." I muttered, "Oh my god, thank you, I.." I teared up, feeling a lot safer with her there. And hence the tears came.

The tall woman hugged me after ending my Encounter with Flowey. He was nowhere to be seen, but I knew he was still around. I hugged Toriel tightly, crying with relief. "Do not worry, child." she murmured, "You are safe with me."

As much as the nickname "child" would annoy me usually, it just felt natural from Toriel. Or maybe I was just relieved. Unlike Flowey, she was almost exactly as I had imagined her. Motherly and calming. I completely believed her when she said I'd be safe.

It wasn't long before I pulled myself together. I wasn't really a crier, but in that moment, my soul was so wounded.. I guess it effected me emotionally more then physically. I just needed a good cry, and maybe some good food.

"Sorry. Thank you for helping me." I said again, to which she just smiled. "No need to worry. I am Toriel, caretaker of these Ruins.. And everyone who enters them."

She held out her hand to me, and for a second I just looked at it. It was huge, covered in her fur. She had sharp claws, but they were filed down. They looked like dog nails, except less bulky and more neat.

I took her hand without hesitation- How could I not, when she gave off such a maternal vibe? Especially when I was missing my mother.. I didn't let my thoughts trail down that road. I can deal with that later.

It didn't stop the nagging, but first, I needed to think about what I was doing in _Undertale._ Why am I here? I didn't even live near a mountain, not to mention I'm pretty sure Ebott is fictional. I don't even remember how I got here, or what I was doing before I fell.

"Hey, Toriel.." I started, and then hesitated. She looked down at me, waiting for me to continue. "Uh.. Do you happen to know where we are..?" I asked.

"Well, Underground of course. I am unaware of where exactly we are in terms of the surface. All I remember is the other humans mentioning a mountain named "Ebott". That is all I know."

She didn't ask why I wasn't aware of my own wherabouts. I was grateful for that. "And, what exactly is this.. Underground?" I needed to be sure. I didn't want to assume anything. After all, this was already out of.. Well, out of my world. Maybe.

"The monsters were trapped here long ago after we lost a war with the humans." she informed me. "But, the rest of the underground is dangerous. I doubt you would want to go, if you knew of the dangers you'd come to face."

Oh, I knew what dangers there were. And she was right. I was nowhere near ready for that, especially when Flowey had scared me. And who knew what could have changed? Toriel seemed the same, but..

"I understand. I'll stay with you, then.." I paused, realizing inviting myself was rude. "Uh, if you're okay with that. Sorry, that was rude.. Of me.."

I silently scolded myself. _Stop assuming things! Just because this is from a video game, you don't know everything for sure. These are real people, at least now.._

Toriel beamed at me despite my lack of manners. "Really? You're willing to stay?" She was very happy at the thought. Now could I ever refuse when she was so happy?

"At least for awhile.. I'm not exactly in the best condition to go adventuring through caves." I said, "And.. I don't know. I feel safe here."

Toriel hummed in acknowledgement, happy to have me. I smiled, happy to be welcomed with such emthusiasm. I was also happy to be the cause of that.

I was happy to stay with Toriel. At least until I knew I was safe. I know I was doing it differently then the game I know amd love, but.. It isn't just a game anymore. I wouldn't play with these people. That was a _promise._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When on comp your paragraphs are only like ~2 lines long lmfao. I write on my phone whooops

The first night was probably the hardest. The silence and the lack of distraction caused my thoughts to go in unpleasant directions- thoughts about my family and my loved ones. How I may never see them again. At some point Toriel had come in and asked what was wrong- I hadn't even realized I was crying. She didn't hesitate to hold me to her chest and rock me- which made me cry more, but she never let go.

Although I had repeatedly wished to be a part of this world a few years back, it was just a childish wish- you know, I was a sophomore in highschool and geeking out. I never actually wanted to leave my family for this. I never wanted to leave like this...

I refused to let my mind go on in that specific direction, shoving it down every time. My train of thought was like a record I kept rewinding at a certain point, at an unpleasant line in sad song.

The nights got better after that, as long as I refused to think. At least the concious hours were better. My dreams were littered with images of my family, and when I tried to go to them, it was like lifting dead weight. Moving muscles that weren't alive anymore.

Despite my sleepless or nightmare-ridden nights, I had made myself at home with Toriel. The children's decorations were moved after I told her that I was actually 18. She was surprised as most people are when they learn my age- As a senior in highschool, many people asked if I was a freshman!

My age didn't change how she treated me, except she expected me to be more responsible and trusted me to explore the Ruins on my own a little more. She still wanted to come with me when I went to the far ends, and still expected to be informed when I left and came back, but I was glad to have the freedom to take a walk to clear my head or go have a conversation with the friendly monsters of the Ruins.

One day, I decided to go to the basement. I knew Tori was down here when she disappeared some days, but right now she was getting groceries. I wanted to see the door- and I wanted to know if there was a certain punny character beyond it. I'd spit out a few puns with Toriel before, but she never mentioned her bonely friend, so I wasn't sure..

I sat up against the door, waiting. Bored out of my mind, I used a rock to draw on the stone floor. I held my favorite sweatshirt tight against my skin- the door was ice-cold.

Eventually, I heard a knock, and a voice.

"knock knock."

It was muffled, but it was there. Sans sounded like I'd imagined, but more masculine and rough. His tone was casual and smooth, like he was the chill college roommate.

I debated answering. I decided not to, since I didn't know how he'd respond to my unfamiliar voice. "who's there?" he asked himself eventually, in a higher pitch- copying Toriel's voice. "annie. annie who?" he snickered before answering himself. "anniething you can do, i can do better."

He chuckled to himself, continuing woth a knock. "knock knock. who's there? quiche." he started laughing harder. "q-quiche who? come here and i'll give you a hug and a quiche!!!"

He was cracking up.

I sat there lisyening to his jokes for awhile, quietly gigglimg into the fabric of my sleeves, trying to stay quiet- though I doubt he heard me over his own laughter.

At the end of his knock-knock session, he sighed contentedly. "human is taking their sweet time. been a few weeks since they shoulda showed."

My eyes widened a bit as I froze to the floor, heart pounding in my ears. Did he know I was here..? No. But he was talking about me.

"somethin's different about this run. So slow you could call it a walk in the park."

Of course he made a joke about that. Of course-

I smiled and rolled my eyes. Then I quietly when back upstairs, hungry for whatever Toriel made for dinner.

I laid in bed with a small sigh. I swore to myself I wouldn't treat this like a game. But I was tired of living underground, and I was tired of seeing monsters living underground.

I want them to see the sun. I want them to feel the freah air on the wind. I imagined Toriel baking with the window open, enjoying the breeze that carried into the house.

But was freeing them treating them like a game? Just a goal to reach? Was I trying to win? I didn't want to ever do that- it would hurt people. It would hurt me.

I bit my lip, turning onto my side, hugging my pillow. There was only one thing- I couldn't save or reset. On one hand, that was a good thing. Even if I had the temptation to reset, I couldn't. I was grateful that I wasnt given that kind of power. But if I were to free monster-kind.. If I die, it's over. There were no save points, from what I saw, and I sure as hell don't feel overly determined.

If I was going to free them, I was going to have to play what cards I have. And unfortunately, the ability to save isn't one of them.

I don't even know if it's possible to free the monsters without a "save file". Am I on a computer? Is this all just code? Would Flowey be able to open and close the game like he does after you fight him? And even then, that mechanic was used in order to get Undyne and Alphys together and go to the true lab.

I was tired of seeing Toriel under here, but I couldn't risk death. I felt a twinge of shame at being selfish, but- I believed monsterkind needed me. That I was supposed to be the hero.

I shook my head, clearing that thought and going back to how I could fix this. How do I get the monsters to the surface?

Then it occured to me- I can't alter the timeline. So don't.

Somehow, I need to get Undyne and Alphys to admit their feelings, before I fight Asgore. Hopefully things would fall into place there?

I cringed a bit at my next few thoughts. _How do I know_ _I'm even able to do this? What makes me think_ _I'm even the seventh human soul? Why would I be the one to do this job?_

I sighed, sitting up. I needed to.. Do _something_ to distract myself. I was stressing myself out- and frankly, I didn't like the answers to those questions that popped into my head.

I carefully stepped oit of my bedroom, leaving the door cracked as I walked down the darkened hall.

I grabbed a half-filled notebook and a pencil from the bookcase and the kitchen respectively, and opened it to a fresh page. I sunk into Toriel's huge recliner, and started doodling.

The familiar muscle memory of drawing was comforting. I didn't draw much anymore, espexially since falling, but my skills were still sharp. I remembered all the art classes I took in highschool- whivh felt like so long ago, despite it being only.. Maybe, two months since graduation?

I was just doodling the normal things I drew- mostly characters from various fandoms or even my completely original characters, who didn't belong to any franchise or game.

It wasn't long until I found myself drawing the people I haven't even met yet. Toriel, Sans, even Asgore and Undyne. Alphys was awkward to draw, but I managed, and Papyrus was never easy for me.

I was going to draw Asriel, but stopped myself. Flowey followed people. I didn't want to risk him seeing it. I didn't want anyone to know..

I ripped out the paper and ripped it up- and threw it in the hot embers in the fireplace. The paper burned up, making the light flicker around the room, before dying again.

If anyone knew the truth about where I came from.. And how I knew them, notbing good could happen. I grimaced at the thought of so many people finding out their existence.. Well, isn't. No, I'd take my secret to the grave.

These people weren't a game. This place wasn't a game. And that's their reality and it'll stay that way.

"My child?" Toriel murmured, appearing from the hallway. I perked up a little at seeing her, closing the notebook and setting it down next to her chair as I got up.

"Sorry. Did I wake you up?" I murmured, pulling at my shirt. I stood awkwardly next to the recliner, feeling a little bad since I wasn't sure if I was supposed to sit there or not.

"Of course not, child. It's five in the morning. Were you up all night?" she asked, looking a bit concerned. As much as I didn't want to worry her, I decided to tell the truth.

"Yeah. Had a lot on my mind." I muttuered, gathering the notebook and pencil, and putting the pencil in the spiral spine.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, walking over from her place in the entrance hallway to stand in front of me. I thought about it for a second, before I nodded.

She sat in her recliner, and welcomed me into her lap- at first I declined, but she insisted. It was very comforting, despite being an adult who can do adult things, it was nice to be babied a little..

"I was thinking about the surface." I began, "I want that for you. I want that for all the monsters in the Ruins- in all the underground."

Toriel pet my hair, running her paws through the slightly overgrown do. I tried to keep it short, but I haven't had a haircut since long before I fell.

"And I want to help. But I don't know how, and.. I don't really know if I can." I mumbled. "You said the humans that fell before me were all just kids. I'm an adult- I mean, I'm eighteen, but I can still do more then a kid can."

Toriel paused in her petting. "Do you want to leave?" She asked bluntly, her tone... I flinched at her tone- it was numb. I looked up at her. She didn't have any emotion on her face- which was more scary then if she did.

"God, no! I don't. I don't right _now._ But it was just keeping me up, and someday I will want to, and when I do, I want to set you free." I sighed. "I want to be free too. And be free _with you._ I don't want to leave. I just want.. better circumstances."

Toriel's face broke into a sad smile. "My child.. You have a way of wording things that makes that easy to hear." she praised, petting my head again. "However, I am unsure if you'll be able to help in a way that spares your life."

I nodded. "I figured. The king killed those humans, right?" I asked. Toriel never really said so, but.. The way she talked about them gave it away. Plus, I already knew. Now that I know it's real- it puts a twinge of grief in me.

"Yes, he did." Toriel says softly. I nodded back. "Now, enough of that. Let's make breakfast."

I decided to ask Toriel about the punny man behind the door at dinner the day after.

"Hey Tori.." I began after swallowing my mouthful of chicken and rice soup, "What's with the guy who talks to himself at the back door?"

Toriel's eyes widened a little, before she chuckled. "I was unaware you went down to the basement." she began, in what I assumed was a nervous tone, but to be honest, it didn't sound that way. "Was he practicing knock-knock jokes?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, a lot of knock knock jokes. They were terrible." I smiled widely, "It was great. I didn't say anything. I just listened, I don't think he knew I was there."

Toriel nodded. "Well, thank you for not letting yourself be known. He should be safe, however, for you to converse with.. If you like." she still seemed a little umcomfortable at the fact I knew about him, but she was a little worried about the fact I didn't have any friends. I tried befriending Napstablook, but my presence made him a bit anxious, so I left him alone most of the time.

"Really? Awesome. I better step up my knock-knock game." My face must've betrayed my excitement, since Toriel just smiled fondly. "You can always practice with me, my dear. Just _knock-knock_ whenever it's needed!"

I giggled a bit at that, wanting to catch on. " _J_ _est_ give me a moment, I can't even keep up with that level of joke."

"Well it isn't a _rice_ my dear." she said, taking a spoonful of the soup.

"Well then I guess I'm just chicken!" I replied, proud grin displayed on my face. She looked just as proud of me, too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this story rn, but I've redone some of the later chapters and I think I feel better about it. :)

Sans knocked on the door, "knock knock." he began, waiting a minute for Toriel to speak up.

"Who's there?" an unfamilar voice called back, muffled through the door. Sans stiffened, before he cleared his nonexistent throat. Who the hell..? That definitely wasn't Toriel. Not even the human. "you," he responded mindlessly, his head racing.

"You who?" the voice asked back, one that suddenly seemed filled with malice. But, he continued on- just barely managing to pull the joke through. "why hello there, where's toriel?"

The voice took a second to answer. "Uh, upstairs, I think. She was reading when I last saw her. But now it smells like shes making dinner." they hummed in what sounded like contentment. It seemed genuine.

Sans settled down when he heard it, although still wary. Who was this person? Probably a human, but it wasn't Frisk. This voice was unfamiliar- plus, Frisk barely spoke. "Name's Sans. Sans the skeleton." He began, hoping they'd reply in kind.

"Well, nice to meet you, Sans. I'm just a human who's heard you like jokes." he heard some paper crinkle a little, "I have some but just so you know, you gotta _paper_ them in kind."

Sans didn't know this kid, but they seemed friendly enough. That was a pretty okay joke, too. "fine, lay it on me." he chuckled, wondering what they wanted.

"Joke for joke, pun man-" they replied to his surprise, "I need inspiration if I'm gonna be doing this more often."

"so, you're gonna be stealing my jokes, huh?" Sans snorted, "i guess it's _snow_ big deal, but it's kinda _cold_ of you to do that." He didn't really mind, but it was a good joke oppurtunity. Plus he's gotta make up for the miserable knock knock joke.

" _Icy_ you're not gonna fall for it, huh? Yeah, I'm a _cold-hearted_ thief," they chuckled.

By the end of their pun-off, Sans won with his opponent running out after about two minutes of punning. They surprisongly lasted a long time, however they hesitated once in awhile, and most of their puns were simple and easy. Compared to Sans's tempered pun-skill, they were just a noob. They were a little embarassed about it, but Sans told them it was fine.

"Hey, Sans-" they said after a lengthy period of awkward silence. Sans had thought they left, to be honest. He hummed out a reply of lazy acknowledgement.

There was another few seconds of silence before they just blurted it out. "Could you get me a sketchbook?" They asked. Sans raised a brow-bone, but didn't reply, waiting for an explanation. "Ah, sorry- I know I literally just met you, but Toriel only has lined notebooks, and drawing is a hobby of mine, so.. Its okay, if you say no. I was just wondering- i can pay you-" they rambled on in a nervous voice, and he could practically hear them convince themselves this was a terrible idea.

"hey kid, calm down and _draw_ in a few breaths. i suppose i could find somethin for ya," he assured them calmly, chuckling at his own pun. He thought he heard a small sigh of relief.

"Are you sure? It's no trouble?" they asked again, and Sans was quick to confirm he was fine. "Thanks. I really appreciate it."

"no prob bob. just a question- why can't you come get it yourself?" he asked, curious. The voice took moment to think before answering. Sans waited patiently, wondering what they were thinking. They had a way of pausing before they spoke, as if they had to think over every word before saying it..

"I think this is a one way door. Plus, Toriel says it's dangerous out there. I.. Well, I'm a human. Apparently the folk aren't too fond." they sounded oddly sympathetic, but also guilty. Guilty for their whole race? Sans wondered if this kid had any chill. "Sorry to make you do this." They added, again.

"like i said, no prob bob. just wonderin'."

There was the muffled voice of Toriel, sounding far away. "Oh, that's Toriel. Time to eat. Bye, Sans."

"see ya, kid. i'll have your book by tomorrow, meet me here. same time." he said, which was replied to with a simple "Kay."

Sans got up and walked back to his sentry station.

That definitely wasn't the normal human. They'd be calling Toriel "mom" by now. Sans was curious- very curious. A new human.. Maybe that meant this would be a new run. A fresh one. Hopefully the only one. Sans was done with the same thing over and over.

His investigation would continue tomorrow- when he would see the human through the door.

* * *

"How was your visit?" Toriel asked with a small smile. "It was okay. I was a little nervous.." I admitted, smiling back nervously. Toriel nodded and placed the plate of pie in front of me- Snail pie. It was actually delicious.

"Why was that? He was kind, right?" She asked as she sat, slightly concerned for me. I nodded vigorously in reply- I didn't want her to get the wrong idea!

"Yes, he was. I just get nervous around new people, is all.." I admit, shrugging my shoulders. "It's me who has the problem, not him." I mumbled out grudgingly.

Toriel patted my hand that was resting on the table. "Eat, dear. I'm sure you'll feel better afterwards. You and I can talk about it then." she said, and I was grateful that she was waiting. The wait made me a little nervous, the suspense building in me to be a little nerve-wracking in itself. I didn't really want to talk about it, to be honest. But I would try, for Toriel.

The pie was delicious, though. It really did make me feel better.

I was relaxing in the bath, my eyes closed as I melted into the water. After my talk with Toriel, I deserved a nice, hot bath. It was emotional, but much needed- I cried a little as Toriel wiped my tears and comforted me. As awkward as it was, being eighteen and rocked by a large mother monster, it was good.

I didn't tell her everything. Some things were just hard to talk about, so I didn't mention them. I just told her about my social issues.. The anxiety, the fear. She was very kind and didn't push anything, letting me tell her on my own terms.

I mulled over what I had told her. I just feel anxious, mostly, especially around people I don't know. I was honestly surprised I had warmed up to Toriel so quickly- I guess that's just the effect she has, though. A motherly, comforting aura. Must be magic.

I gently scrubbed at my skin as my mind started to wander towards the topic of Sans again. He must know about resets, right? Maybe he even remembers them. I hope not, for his sake- that'd be a lot to deal with.

Or maybe there were no resets? After all, there was no one who could reset, to my knowledge. Maybe in this realistic world, it didn't even exist. Maybe Frisk didn't exist. Maybe I am Frisk!- No, nevermind.

I'm not that much different from Frisk, but I'm certainly older, and most importantly, I can't save or reset- Assuming they actually could in this world- I'm also not as determined.. Okay, I guess really the only thing I have in common with the missing child is the fact my gender is ambiguous.

I started washing my hair, combing through it with my fingers. I really need a haircut, it's getting too long for comfort. I rinsed out my hair and started draining the water.

I wonder if Sans could help me in my mission- that is, if he remembers of course- to get everyone out of here, without dying. Wait, isn't he supposed to help me anyway?

I just need to convince him to help me better then he helped Frisk. But how..? That sounds complicated. And lord knows I'm NOT good at people.

I need more time, more confidence, and more help.. Maybe, just _maybe_ I can help them see the stars.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human draws and has a nightmare. Sans gets his hopes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not uploading for awhile. Ive been having some mental health issues and some writers block. Oof

When I swung open the heavy, _heavy_ door, I saw a short skeleton in a blue jacket. He looked pretty much the same- rounded face, large, glowing pupils, and an eerie smile that never quite left his face. When I say he's short, I mean he is _short_. _Maybe_ he's five foot tall. I'd place my bets on 4'11".

"Hey there, squirt." I chuckled, raising my eyebrows in slight surprise, "I have to admit. I wasn't expecting that." I said with some truth. Sans chuckled dryly in reply- strange, he laughed but he looked so unamused. Even with that smile!

"i could say the same." He looked me up and down, but mostly up. Haha. "you're kinda tall for a kid. how old are you?" he asked, holding out the sketchbook. I took it, returning a few gold pieces. He seemed a little surprised that I kept my word about paying him, but I didn't care. It was freezing!

I hugged the sketchbook to my chest, burying myself in my hoodie. "Damn, its chilly. I'm 18, an adult human. You know, I should be asking you that, lil guy." I retorted with a giggle. His teeth turned downward a bit, and his brow seemed furrowed. Weird, how his face could do that..

"Sorry, sorry. I'll stop. I'm kinda tall for a human like me. Thanks.. A _skeleton_." I smirked after some debate on whether I should use it- after all, im stealing his jokes, he just doesn't know that I am. But, if I want to befriend him.. Jokes are my best bet. I do feel bad for purposefuy tricking him.. Does this count as tricking him??

I shove that out of my mind as we stand awkwardly. Sans just looks at me, not respinding to my joke. I sweat, despite the cold- nerves getting to me.

After a second, his face breaks out into pure _joy._ "oh my god. you just said that." he chuckled, holding his skull. I grinned at him, relieved that he enjoyed it. "geez, kid. you coulda started with that instead'a calling me _short._ " he cackled, bending over a little from his laughter.

"I'm sorry, I just wasnt expecting such a.. Manly voice to be so little!! Like, you just got a big guy voice. A voice thats got power. Like, the type of voice that goes, 'bwahahaha!!'" I started rambling with anxious excitement. Sans just started laughing harder.

I was beaming as Sans finally calmed down. "dear asgore. kid, you're really one humerus human." he chuckled, and I knew just how to respond.

"Yeah, I can tickle some ribs easy enough." I smiled smugly, happy to finally put my bone puns to good use as Sans smirked at me. We stood in comfortable silence for a minute, before Sans made the first move.

"whelp, better get back to work. seeya kid." he waved a gloved hand and turned towards the forest. I was gonna let him go, before I thought of something. 

"Hey, is it okay if I draw you?" I called to him, which made him turn back with slight surprise. He let out another careless smirk as he shrugged.

"sure, kiddo. whatever floats your boat."

I closed the door and ran upstairs, to the warmth of Toriel's fire. She went out to check for humans, so I was home alone.

I took the chance to sit at the kitchen table and gather some supplies- pencils, pens, even some charcoal Toriel had scraped up.

It had been awhile since I had drawn Sans. Of course, there was that doodle, but it wasnt very good, and I burned it. I sketched him out a few times in pencil, before moving on to charcoal.

I started drawing in a mix of old blue pen, pencil, and charcoal, marking the paper and smudging the charcoal with my fingers.

Before I knew it, I had drawn a nice picture of Sans. I wondered if he would like it.

I wrote his name under his portrait, signing it with my initials. It was simply named, "sans."

Toriel walked in the door, carrying some of those golden flowers, and put them in a vace on the table In front of me. "Hello, dear- what's that?"

Toriel peered at my artwork, and I looked up at her with a smile. "Sans, the guy behind the door, got me a sketchbook. So I decided to draw him as a 'thank-you' gift!" I told her with a smile. Toriel nodded in agreement, "You are very skilled, human! Do you think you might draw me?" She asked.

"I don't normally do real portraits, but.. I suppose I'll do it for you, Tori." I said with a smile. Of course, human faces are hard to make look like their real counterpart- monsters are so unique in every way, they always look like themselves in any style they're drawn in.

Toriel isn't too difficult to draw, I decided as I shaded in her soft eyes. She stayed very still for me, which I appreciated. She was so patient all the time.

It was harder to shade her fur, but I did my best. I felt like Toriel would like it no matter if it was good or bad. She'd like it because I made it for her.

I wondered if I'd be able to draw all the other monsters, someday. Hopefully, I'll be able to draw the sky above them.

* * *

I sat up in bed, panting from my nightmare. I put my hand over my heart, gripping my clothes tightly as I hugged my legs.

I don't have nightmares often. And when I do, they aren't vivid, so I have no trouble getting over them. But this one scared me.

I frowned in concern as I recalled the dream. I remembered a regal golden hallway, with a certain skeleton standing across from me. Glaring at me, calling me a 'dirty brother killer'.

I grimaced at the quote, covering my face. It hit me hard. After all, Papyrus was one of my favorite characters when he was still just a character. I'd die before I hurt him.

I supposed it could be worse- seeing myself swinging a knife around or even getting killed. But I feel like I don't have the ability to kill everyone. I'm just not mean enough. That's probably a good thing...

My paranoid mind started wondering if I was seeing the future, or some parallel universe- would I really ever kill Papyrus? I shook my head, trying to free my mind from my thoughts. It didn't work.

"I need water." I croaked out loud. Yes, water, think about water. That panting left my throat dry anyway.

I stepped out of bed, shivering at the loss of my warm covers, and went to get a glass from the kitchen.

I looked at the clock on the wall, seeing it was almost time to wake up anyway. I got a glass of water, and drank it. Okay, now what?

I looked in the fridge, wondering if I could make breakfast. I don't have fire magic, but Toriel has a stove. I picked a few eggs and got out the butter- eggs and toast sounded just fine.

I turned on the burners and buttered up my frying pan, before putting the eggs in.

I was halfway done with breakfast when Toriel found her way to me. "I thought I smelled food. You are making breakfast?" she asked, watching with interest.

"Yep. Eggs and toast. Simple, yet effective, and very tasty." I said proudly, waiting a minute before flipping the last egg. "I'm not the best cook, you know, so I kept it simple. I wanted to do something since I woke up a bit earlier today."

Toriel nodded with a smile, before going to set the table for me. "Was there a reason you woke up earlier?" She asked. Usually I woke up late, not early.

"I guess I just went to bed earlier then normal last night." I lied casually. She seemed to have believed it. I felt a little more guilty then I thought I would've, after all, its just about a nightmare.

I ignored the nagging feeling and making finished breakfast, thinking that I should talk to Sans today, and give him my drawing.

At the table, Toriel started talking first, as usual. "My child," she started, after swallowing her bite of toast, "this was very kind of you to make breakfast. It is very tasty." she complimented, making me smile.

"Thanks, Tori. I'm glad you like it. Your cooking is better, though." I said sheepishly, hiding my mouth so she couldnt see the proud little smile on my face.

"Well that's a given, dear. I not only use fire magic, but I've been making home-cooked meals for well over five hundred years." She said calmly as I choked on my food. Five hundred?!? YEARS???

"Dear, are you okay?" Toriel asked in concern as I struggled to get my food to go back down the right tube. It took a minute, but I got it.

"Y-yeah, Tori-" I cleared my throat, trying to get it to sound normal and not hoarse, "I was just surprised. Five hundred years??"

Toriel chuckled in reply. "Yes, child. Monsters live very long lives, since they do not age like humans do. They age until they are mature, and then do not age again until they have had children." she said in her gentle teacher voice. She always used that voice when teaching me something- though I guess I already knew that one.

"You had kids, right Tori?.. But, you're.." I felt bad again for manipulating her, but I needed to play dumb. I'd make it up to her..

"Yes, I did. They both.." She paused, smiling sadly at the her lap. "They both died, and their father and I stopped aging." She murmured, looking tearful.

My heart felt heavy as she looked so distraught at the memory. "Aw, Tori- I'm sorry." I got out of my seat and hugged her around her neck, now easy to reach since she was seated. She wrapped her arms around me, gently nuzzling my shoulder as she held in tears.

"I'm sorry Tori. I'm so sorry." I murmured, not knowing how else to comfort her. I gently pet the back of her head and neck. I can't even imagine how hard it was on her.

And now she had to live with it forever, huh? She wouldn't have any more kids with Asgore, unless they decided to get back together, but even then, would they want children? Probably not after what happened before.

"Please, my child.." Toriel whispered, "I know you will leave this place someday, but... I can't bear any more children dying when I could have saved them." She cried softly, and my soul ached painfully in my chest. "Please do not die."

I nodded, kissing her furry, tear-soaked cheek. "I'll do my best. But for now, I'm here, so don't worry about it." I said softly, leaning back and lifting her chin up. "I'm sorry about your kids.."

Toriel chuckled humorlessly, and held my hands in her big paws. "It was not your fault, for you were not there. There is no need to apologize." She whispered, her voice hoarse from her tears.

"I know, but I still feel like I need to apologize. Seeing you cry is kind of nerve-wracking." I admitted, holding her paws tightly. "Like seeing your mom cry. You're too strong to have tears, you know?"

That made Toriel laugh, "Oh, dear. No one is too strong for tears, especially not me." she freed one of my hands from hers and placed a furry paw on my cheek. "I'm just an old woman who lives alone, nothing more."

I pouted lightly at that, faking offense. "What am I, a ghost?? Can you see me? I live here too!!" I cried, and that made her bust into laughter. My facade broke and I smiled back widely.

I would always love my own mother, and no one could take her place. But in that moment, I knew Toriel was the one who I'd look to now. I was okay with that.

* * *

Sans had to admit that this timeline was a lot different then normal. Everything it threw at him was new, and as good a thing that is, he was also a little paranoid.

After being used to knowing exactly what will or can happen, one can get certain expectations, and it develops into a kind of shield to protect the psyche from further harm.

So, Sans was feeling very conflicted. On one hand, it was great that things weren't the same. That meant that maybe the endless timeloop had finally ended. On the other hand, it meant everything was unpredictable, which was something he wasn't used to any more.

So when the new human had given him a drawing, he didn't know if he should feel grateful for fearful of it. On one hand, it was nice, and unexpected. On the other, it was new, and unexpected. What else would this human surprise him with? At least with the other one, he knew what to expect.

"Do you like it?" the human asked, wearing a coat over their sweatshirt today. Smart human. "yeah. it's good. thanks, kid." he said, pocketing the paper.

"i guess i could _muse_ a good portrait of myself. i could hang it, or shove it in my _drawer_. either way, it's a good thing to show off." he chuckled, shooting off some random puns off the top of his head.

"Okay, the muse one was good. The drawer one? I give it a two outta five." They said, rolling their eyes. Ah, well. Tough crowd.

"Hey, Sans, can I ask you something?" They requested, leaning against the large stone doorframe. Sans raised a boney brow, his question silent but casual.

"If I ever leave the ruins, can I count on you to have my back? It's okay if you say no. I understand it's a big responsibility.. But Tori said that if I end up dying out here and she could've prevented it.. Well." They paused, shrugging their shoulders as they looked at Sans. "You can say no, of course."

Sans was more than a bit surprised. After all, he had already promised Toriel to protect humans, and now the human themself was asking too? Both for eachother's sake, supposedly, too.

"yeah, sure kid." he said, shrugging his shoulders as if it was no big deal. I mean, it really wasn't, since he'd ready agreed to do it. "when ya plannin of goin'?" He asked out of curiosity, shoving his gloves hands into his pockets.

The human just smiled back. "I don't know. Not anytime soon, I think. I'm still sore from the fall, sometimes, and Toriel really is lonely, so I'm gonna stay with her for at least a little while."

Sans nodded. "alright. whelp, i gotta go back to work. seeya, human. tell the lady to chat with me again soon, i miss her grade a jokes." He chuckled.

"You gotcha. See you, Sans. Thanks."

Sans tried not to let any false hope build, but it did anyway. He could only wish that the human didn't knock it down, now.

Why did that human have to be so nice?


End file.
